Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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