He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
