I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
