I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize