There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
