I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
