i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
