She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
