That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
