I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
