hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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