Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I AM VODKA MAN
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
