Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
