dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the day after is always just damage control
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
