ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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