GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
