I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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