Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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