There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
