Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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