Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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