i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
