There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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