Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
