The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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