The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
