Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
