You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
