he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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