There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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