these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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