I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
