On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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