it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
