remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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