i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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