sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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