I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
