We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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