the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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