your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I accidentally burped into my bong.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
