I think my vagina is haunted
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
