there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
