He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
