i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
