the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
