oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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