Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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