I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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