My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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