her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
that is very illegal...i love you.
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