So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
