Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
