i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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