the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
