I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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