Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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