So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize