Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
