I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
