so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this will be a night to untag.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need to calm my uterus...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize