Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
