If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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