yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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