Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize