I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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