I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
