so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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