Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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